#GODO: FINISH WHAT YOU START

IN THE BEGINNING

Raise your hand if you want to write a book.

These days, it seems like most people have written or are in the process of writing a book. I'll be the first to let you know, if you didn't already know, that writing a book is hard work. I mean, writing the book is the easy part. What happens after the writing is done is literally the tough part -- the waiting, the editing, the project managing, the planning, the logistics, etc. -- the work never seems to end. And if you are anything like me, you love the creative part, and you loathe the logistics.

After planning and writing the book for nearly five years, I finally wrapped it up. In February of this year, I laid the manuscript "to rest" as I handed it off to my Publisher and publishing team. It was now their problem to turn several pages and chapters of my rawest accounts into a published work of art.

Like you and with you, I wait anxiously as the final product makes its way through the administrative gauntlet of the publishing world.

As I've already admitted publicly, this book started off as a bucket-list accomplishment for me. I wrote it to check one more item off the list, my wish and goal to circle the wagons of my biggest fears. Well, I did it.

Great, now what?

Well, most people don't know the backstory to this book, why I wrote it, and where the title, "#goDo" really comes from . Well, let me take a minute to share a little back story with you.

“We should always know that we can do everything.”

—Jonsi

THE PREFACE

The title of this book was inspired by a song written and performed by Jonsi, a singer and songwriter from Iceland. The lyrics in this song are still the source of inspiration in my life, and several years ago they may have saved it.

In 2008, a terrible tragedy happened in my family. My brother, the eldest of the three of us, took his own life. Nothing prepares you for this type of loss. The grief of having to say goodbye to my big brother, my first teacher and mentor, and my best friend was unbearable. I wore the grief daily, felt the pain deep down inside, and the side effects showed up each day of my life. I changed physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Soon after losing Todd, I found myself in a rather dark place, going through the motions of life, and absolutely losing it. I never thought that life would ever be the same again.

This is the first time I have told this story. This story marked a turnaround in my life, the sort of tipping point you hear about others having that leads to either their end or a new beginning. Luckily, this story tells of a new beginning for me. I'm not sure what took me so long, but sharing it with you now brings more depth and meaning to every page that follows.

In 2010, two years after my brother passed away, a group of my friends decided to collaborate and make a mixtape. This was just before digital playlist solution providers like Pandora and Spotify had been fully socialized. Instead, we used compact discs to ceremoniously bond our group of friends together through music. That summer, each person agreed to contribute one song to a mix we would all use to remember the summer of 2010. As I often did back then, I refrained from participating due to the fact that most of my energy went into either grieving or hiding my grief from the world. Regardless, this mixtape somehow ended up in my hands and one day I slipped the compact disc into my car stereo system. What happened soon after is something I will never forget.

That day in 2010, like most days back then, I was struggling from daily depression. I used and abused vodka and cocaine to help me feel alive. And as I type these words I cannot help but feel a sadness in each of their letters. What a sad joke. My heart felt heavy, and I felt empty and alone. I was unwilling to let anyone close enough to get an honest look at just how bad a shape I was in. I didn’t share how I was really feeling. On the outside, and from a distance, you might have thought I was doing OK if you didn't really know me. I was a diligent actress playing the lead role of a successful business woman, so most people assumed I had it all figured out. On the inside, though, I was grieving and in excruciating emotional pain. Each day seemed difficult to manage. I can still recall how much energy it took to put on my daily mask of happiness, pretending everything was the way it used to be before Todd passed away. I was absolutely losing it and, I can imagine, I was fooling no one. I certainly wasn’t fooling my partner at the time, and if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be here to tell this story. I’ll never be able to say I’m sorry or thank you to her enough for all that I put her through over those years, but I hope this book is a start.